Friday, April 3, 2009

Sometimes you just be feeling like.....

Now ya know mostly well actually all the girls on this blog are Girly...BUT ya know sometimes you just be having one of them days. And today was one of them. I had a straight up F*@#D up day!!!!! You know one of them days you just cant win. So im just rolling with the punches. In order to completely salvage my sanity as funny as it seems I been listening to some straight hood music. It actually got alot of anger and agression off of my chest. Also it got me thinking: What the Hell happen to DMX??? i used to love him. Now that im getting old I really appreciate music, lyrics and true talent....and he was just raw and real, i love it. Anyways here's a throwback: one of my faves, I was definetly feeling like this today:

Thursday, April 2, 2009

In Response to "Am I Superficial" Post

Bobby Valentino and Cavier from for the love of Ray J

no words needed 

thats what she said 

It's Not Me, It's You

People really kill me. If every month you have a new group of friends and then they "mysteriously" turn their backs on you at no fault of your own you may need to take a look at yourself. 

We like to call these females the "floaters". They do not have a real set of friends or even a friend at all that lasts more than a short span of time. Usually these "friendships" are built on simply partying together or sharing gossip, and usually they break up when the "floater" divulges information about her new group of friends to other people she is eyeing to be friends with. 

The most predictable part is that the friendship ALWAYS breaks up at the fault of the floater, and the floater then plays the victim card and claims that they do not understand why the others stop talking to them.

If you have been a part of this cycle I think you need to take a look at yourself. Whether it is insecurity or insincerity, you are ruining or chances at having meaningful relationships every time you do not honestly asses where you at fault. Its from reflection on the mistakes we make that we are able to grow and learn from those mistakes. Floaters, if you don't want to be a floater anymore take a REAL look at yourself the mistakes you've made and learn from it.

thats certainly what she said 

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Exit Mr. Big

If you've been following this blog since day one then you have seen my first post about my (ex) Mr.Big. And especially if you are a personal friend of mines then you already know how I feel about the Mr.Bigs in our lives. In case you all don't know here's a brief description:

Mr.Big: A man who has been in your life that: 1. Is inconsistant;2.highly personable;3. Usually unliked by your friends;4. Extrememly unavailable at times;5. But oh so charming ;6.hard to Get over. All my Sex and the City lovers knows that Chris Noth (Mr. Big) really captured the real life depiction of a Mr. Big relationship.

So for the past 3 years, off and on (mainly off) I've been I guess waiting on Mr. Big to get it together and FINALLY realize that I am Miss RIGHT ( And never the dissapointer, he never did.I am officially not waiting for Big. I know in the movie Carrie and Big were off and on TEN years before they finally wed. Me, I don't want to waste any more time or energy on him.

Now all my ladies with the "Bigs" know that we've been here before. I've "stopped" dealing with him a million times....and this time A million and one is the FINAL time. I'm through and over it.

This time is different because two things: 1. I'm getting older now, I'm not about the cat and chase anymore and I'm done with wasting time and potentially overlooking deserving guys and 2. I've met someone that I like and that likes me back. Its that simple and it is one of the best feeling I've had in a while. When you subtract all the games its soooo much better.

This Big chapter is closed for now, and although it is over, I still have a million (and one) memories that I will always keep, savor and learn from. I guess this experience helped me appreciate the new boo for all that he is....and isn't.


This morning a male friend and I had a discussion which left me disheartened, upset, and hurt. Every Sunday he has a gathering at his house: drinking, movies, games, you know, the basics. Now this past weekend he and a young lady who came by began talking and she shared with him that she enjoyed his video blog because it shows his appreciation for dark skinned women. She then goes on to say that she has always felt ugly and till this day hates her complection and this hatred coupled with issues that were burdening her caused her to attempt suicide a little over a month ago. She has tried bleaching her skin with creams, pouring bleach on herself and consulting physicians on possible ways to lighten her skin, if only just one shade. Now i know that her situation may appear extreme, but her hatred and resentment for herself are sentiments shared by many dark skinned women nation wide.

I could easily sit here and tell you that I have always loved the skin that I am in, but it would be a lie. As one of five Black girls at my Catholic School, let alone the only dark skinned one, Midnight, Darkness, and NightSkin, became my first name and everytime I heard it I yearned to be beautiful, yearned to be accepted, but most importantly, yearned to be light skin. I think that I finally came out of this mind set around the 7th grade when I realized that I couldn't change my color but i was still cute and if I loved the skin that I was in others would learn to love it as well.

For a lack of a better word, it sucks! It sucks that women should feel inadequate and ugly solely because of being dark, it sucks that society(BLACK SOCIETY) further perpetuates this false ideology, and it blows that unfortunately I do not see these beliefs changing any time soon. It hurts me to know that till this day women are fighting and hating themselves because of a little extra melanin. As Black women we have to realize that guess what, we're beautiful, and it is our variation in hues that make our people so unique. So F the haters, damn the men that tell you that your sexy for a dark skin girl, and to hell with anyone who thinks your not hot!

Get up, stand in front of the mirror, and kiss your reflection because no one will love you until you learn to love yourself. Dark skin an all.

thats what she said.

Guys just dont understand

I heard somewhere and please don't quote me, that in tough economical times such as the recession we are currently in, that the price of lipstick and other beauty products actually go on a rise. Why you may ask? Because its is a pick me up.

Now if u tell a guy your interested in the slightest amount of beauty product, they assume that you have some self esteem issues and are uncomfortable with going au naturale. I can only speak for myself but I hate the dreaded make up/beauty/ weave convo that comes up occasionally with members of the opposite sex.

First off there's no winning. I just don't get why we can't just like to accentuate what God and our parents have given us? Why can't we express our mood/style/creativity on our face. Its like we are our own pieces of art. Why when we add on do we have to be looked at as insecure? I mean it is true some people apply makeup heavily and depend on it actually but for myself and most girly girls I know: we just like to have fun. And it is reflected in the way we look.

I'll tell you now I would choose a date with Sephora before A LOT of guys I But seriously I feel just about everything in moderation is a good thing. And we are in a recession, and that perfect mascara is just the pick-me-up I need. Somehow I feel guys will still never understand this.

CheerLeader Friend

I dont know if this is bad or not but im extrememly over protective of my friends!!! If you hurt their feelings to the point that im affected by it, I feel the need to give my two cents and but in .......I also have the tendency to grow fond of my friends' significant other if I think they are good for eachother! I become the other person's cheerleader and make sure that my friend knows when he or she does something out of pocket!! But sometimes I may take the cheerleading and advocating a bit to far.....

So my Friend we will call her Jane has an on again off again relationship with Joe. Joe did something out of pocket but nothing drastic, just a little inconsiderate and annoying. So Jane erases his number (she doesnt know it by heart because its a new number) I decided that I will text it to her, email her with the number as the subject, and put it on sticky notes around her bed, I even took a picture of the number and sent its a picture mail text!!!! Extreme but really funny at the time

I love when my friends are happy even if im not because happiness is contagious, so if you make my friend happy you are ok in my book, but please dont cross me because my cheerleading (back flips and high kicks) will turn into scorn and boo'ing.

Thats what she said......

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Old Faithful.

So I want you guys' opinion on this topic because ya know when it comes to guys/relationships I'm no expert.

So the current "love" interest has a little nickname for me that I don't know how comfortable I'm with. He calls me "old faithful" because he knows if he ever really needed anything, I'm gonna be there. He says its a good thing because I guess it shows I'm reliable and down.

My thing is "old faithful" to me reminds me of that old beat up car that's not really what you want but gets you from A to B. I feel like its that something you may keep around until you upgrade. But I am a woman and we overanalyze and think the worse.

So am I being sensitive? Or does he just need a different expression of appreciation?


Some days you wake up with this feeling of meaning to life. You get up with ease and the world seems to be on your side. Today was my day. I did things I've been meaning to do for a while, I had more motivation than usual and Overall I was just happy...for no reason.
And wouldn't you know that later on in the day I discovered that my Grandfather, whom I love dearly was diagnosed with CANCER. As weird as it seems I wasn't as sad/mad/emotional as I thought I would be ( I knew it was a possibility).
Now why, I thought on a day going so well would I get this horrid news? Because my outlook today was so positive,I was filled with THAT much more faith than I would have had on a regular day. After all cancer does not equal death anymore, he has no expiration date.

But nevertheless, apart of me is still thinking about the other outcome of which I will not speak into the universe. The only thing I know is that everyday I am going to celebrate, appreciate and be thankful for every second that he's here.

Today was a good day though. Ps. Keep him in your prayers guys.

Second Chances

For a long time I was not a believer in second chances. I was the type to erase your number, block you on facebook and aim if you crossed me in the slightest way. However, this pattern left me burning a lot bridges and missing a lot of people.

 At the end of the day everyone makes mistakes so although it may seem like I'm getting soft I think I'm just realizing that people can't ask for forgiveness if you block them from any point of access to you, and in blocking them you may be missing out on a good person who made one mistake. I don't think I'm getting soft, I think I'm just growing up

The more I think about it the more I realize the amount of chances that others have given me for the often egregious mistakes I've made. I'm a strong believer in karma so if I don't offer forgiveness then I might not be forgiven for the future mistakes I'm certain to make. 

Moral of the story, he's getting a second chance and I don't care what anyone thinks about it ;) I'll let you all know if the second chance was worth it

that's what she said 

I Co-Sign

If you haven't gotten up on the mixtapes you definitely are missing out 

Monday, March 30, 2009

Unofficial Girl girl 
n. a woman who is in a relationship where although they often act like they are a couple there is no true commitment to each other 

Many of us have been in this situation and the more I see it the more I think it is doomed for failure.  At first it always seems like a perfect set-up, you both enjoy the benefits of a relationship (intimacy, dates, time spent together, someone to talk to and look forward to hearing from), but it is those same things that cause flaws in the relationship--acting like you're with someone makes you care about them. 

The longer this goes on the more likely you are to catch serious feelings for the person. However, its usually at this point where the down sides of being an "unofficial girl" come into play--there's no commitment. So now you have feelings for this person but they can talk to whoever they want

The combination of these forces creates a situation destined for failure and at the end of the day although it was a fun ride what do you really end up with? 

Although I certainly think there are cases where this relationship can end with the two being friends and without hard feelings I think the longer it goes on the more likely the two are to catch feelings and end up hurting one another

All I'm saying is that although it seems like its all in good fun take a second thought before falling into being his unofficial girl 

thats what she said 

by the way, I love this video, regardless to the fact that she can't sing