The Three Months Rule and such.

The thing I am learning about love and relationships that really confuses me is that there are no real set rules. What works for one may not work for another. However it seems logical for some type of timelines in a relationship. I remember watching "Girlfriends" and always questioning Joans "3 month rule", which was she would wait 3 months before she would sleep with a guy.
In these times, 3 months seem a little long, but at times I wonder if we are just becoming too fast. Should we try and set personal timelines or should we just "go with the flow?". Older women always say "don't give away the milk or he won't buy the cow." But with friends and benefits situations that are turning into real relationships, what are we to believe?
I've heard of people marrying after two months, hell, there are reality shows with people looking for husbands and wives based on NO prior informations on the other. I thought relationships have to have a fountion to last. Maybe that's why the divorce rates are so high....no house will last without a solid foundation. I admit its been tepting to rush into relationships but I personally am choosing to take my time and truly learn the other person.
But back to the topic, how likely is it that a fast paced relationship will last? So my thoughts to leave you all with is just try and take your time with people. Remember, the first few months are the "honeymoon" phase I like to call it, which is when they can do no wrong and your just infatuated. If it is meant to be now, it will be later also.
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How can I be polite...Your boyfriend's a Douchebag!

I am always the first person (usually at a dinner table) confessing that I don't have the best manners. Honestly its something that I'm working on. I believe manners are very important still although this generation doesn't seem to feel the same way.
I think that honesty (in a nice way) is a form of good manners. Especially when dealing with friends. A good friend will tell you if you have lipstick on your teeth, a good friend will tell you when you have hair sticking up like Alphalpha, a good friend will tell you if that dress is not "for you"....but is it a good friends' job to tell you if they don't like your boyfriend and why?

On one hand you just want to look out for your friend. You don't want to see them hurt and usually you just want to send them words of cautions. BUT we all know love makes people do crazy things and so this may cause the friend to take it too personal as if she's being attacked. Sometimes she will instead of investigating HIS motive and actions to see if you are right, she will start to mistrust YOU and feel that you are trying to run her relationship.
With that said do you risk a friendship and tell her the truth, or do you keep your mouth shut and watch her make mistake after mistake with this guy? Let's be honest YOU are going to be the one hearing about all this drama (which couldve been prevented). Also let's be honest again, even if you tell her you don't like him, chances are she will still be with him....seems like a lose/lose. I've definelty lost friends because of their boyfriend...but I guess at the end of the day, a REAL friend will respect your honesty and choose whatever she feels right. Why can't all my friends have amazing boyfriends?!? Lol
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I like this guy and he says he likes me too! He's really nice, a sweetheart; I light up when I'm around him, talking to him, or even thinking about him. He makes me happy and he says i make him happy too! Everything seems to be going along very well... And guess what?!? I have no complaints! LOL!

With us things are very simple and uncomplicated. I love spending time with him - truth be told, he can always make me smile. Now whats the point of all of this, only to say: DON'T SETTLE! If you are looking for something in particular dont settle for less than that. I was craving real, honest happiness and I finally found it. Now that doesnt mean this current relationship is the end all be all but like the song says "... if not, you are the prototype". Now that I have happiness, I can't accept anything else.

Now I'm not advocating that you leave current/future relationships for any small thing, but if it's impotant to you than you should make sure you have it. As for me, I can't wait for this relationship to develop further, I'm so excited to see where it goes.

Singing Ashanti "I'm so happy" lol
That's what she said...

Almost Lover....

Lyric Excerpt from "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy.

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
to walk right in and out of my life?

I don't know why but this song was on my mind today. I've loved this song since the first time I heard it and for my life I find this song to be so true.

Which got me wondering which one is more painful: ending a relationship with an ACTUAL lover, or: ending things with an ALMOST lover.

Well since I only have expertise on ALMOST lovers I believe I'm biased to choose the latter. Real break ups, I imagine are hard. But I feel like the love that once was shared kind of numbs some of the pain because there was a point in time when love was present between the two parties.

Now ALMOST lovers are different. These things are messy and usually never a 50/50 love (that Teddy Pendergrass sings of) . Usually one party (the female) is under the impression that things are more than what it actually is. She has developed true feelings for him. She has invested her time and care....and sometimes love to the (pseudo)relationship. All the while the "relationship" is always on eggshells because at any given moment he can up and leave, he can date whoever, he can do his own thing and guess what? You can't do ANYTHING about it because you are not his girlfriend.
So when things don't work out, the pain is immense and typically there will always be unanswered questions.

But I digress, anyways the point is Almost Love is a tricky thing. I try now to stay away from it. But, if he like it then he shoulda put a ring (okay at least a TITLE) on it!
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Hopeless No(man)tic

She said she was a Hopeless Romantic. Me being the cynical Miranda that I find myself being occasionally (Sex and the City), I asked what the "hell is a hopeless romantic?" And she replied: " A hopeless romantic is someone who loves love, the idea of love, the acts of love, just everything to do with love". That was the end of the conversation, and the beginning of my own deep (or shallow.whatever) thoughts.
I envied her for a second because I wished that I felt the same way. I love happiness, I love freedom, I love long walks on the beach (really) but I don't necessarily love LOVE. Indeed I am interested in the topic of love, I'm infatuated at times with the idea and I am extremely curious about every aspect of love but I am not in love with love.
So what exactly does that make me? And what exactly does that mean for my future love life? Does it mean I am not capable to love to the full capacity? Or am I just being dramatic again?!?

Well there were two main differences between my friend with whom I conversed briefly with about it: she had a boyfriend . I didn't (usually don't). And now that I think about it I am afraid to some degree of falling in love. And maybe that fear is the thing hindering me from being a hopeless romantic. Until I get over it or until someone eases that fear, I will be. Probably be a hopeless NoMantic.
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Sex and The City Daily

So you all know I loves my Sex and The City. It is one of the realest shows and it, like our blog shows the complexities of women, dating, men, life, friendship, EVERYTHING! So I figured that daily I'd put up a quote from the show as something to ponder.

Todays SATC quote:
"Are we simply romantically challenged, or are we sluts?"

What's your opinion on this one? I often feel romantically challenged and I've talked to quite a few guys in my days but ask me how many relationships I've had???? Well no don't ask me I'm embarrassed. What does that say about me? Is it me? Is it them? Am I just sugarcoating slut?lol. Well I wouldn't go that far.
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What Do You Expect !?!

     As we all know the world of dating is confusing, which brings me to todays topic: EXPECTATIONS. Especially in the beginning, is there a certain amount that one should have in order to not get heart broken???

    You meet a guy, he's cute, you like him. You've spoken on the phone, text all the time and you're feeling good about this one. Now its time to spend some one on one personal time (that q.t) what level of expectations should you have for this? I know alot of people go in with low expectations reasoning that anything better than what they expected is a success. Some people have higher expectations hoping that that person will fulfill them....often times they DONT. And of course some people try the NO expectations, expecting nothing and taking a 50/50 chance of success or failure.

   Now lets take time now to decipher which one does/doesnt make the most sense. Option one: Go on dates with low expectations. The pros of this one is anything above what you expected is considered a good thing. The problem of this one is, well lets take this to the laws of attraction, which basically is saying what you expect is what you get/attract. If you are aiming low then usually that is what you will receive. Also as far as that relationship goes, its kinda already off to the wrong start because you already had low expectations for it. Of course there will be instances in which they will greatly exceed what you thought. So bottomline, i dont think going out with low expectations is a good thing.

     Okay so on to the next: going out with high expectations. The pros of this is you are coming into the situation with a good attitude and this might set a good chain reaction of events. Now the cons of this one is depending on how high your setting your expectations. You may have in your mind based on the phone calls and texts etc that this person is perfect for you and in person you may notice that he has a few flaws you werent aware of.  Because your expectations were so high, even the little things bother you. Or you may have played out the entire date perfectly in your head and the actual night didnt go as planned leaving you with ill feelings toward that person. Anyways , in dating high expectations can be a good thing but it is important to realize that no one is perfect.

     And finally, the no expectations route. This one is hard to do because its natural to have some type of how things will end up either good or bad. With this approach your going in with no judgement and no predisposed ideas of what things will be just going and taking it moment by moment. I think this is the best way because this way there's no pressure and little disappointment. You are just taking everything for what it is whether good or bad. But it is extremely hard to do especially with someone you like because in you're head you usually have an outcome in mind. Lets try just living in the moment and taking things for what they are. Im gonna try this starting today because i've been down both the high and low expectations roads and have been disappointed many a time. Lets see how this goes........

Show Me The CRAZY!!!!!!!

The honeymoon phase: the beginning of a relationship, which usually lasts at the most, the first four months. This is the time you meet a guy and everything is all good. You are putting on your best at this point because you have one tid bit of info you forgot to tell him: YOU ARE APE S!@* CRAZY!!!!!!!!

Yes you my friend are CRAZY!!!! But don't feel bad. I've come to the conclusion that every woman on earth is CRAZY some obviously more than others, but I digress. Anyways you are crazy and its coming out bit by bit. At what point do you show him the crazy?!?
I myself am finding this process very hard. Which lead me to ask: do you show a guy your crazy in the beginning and see if he accepts you or do you wait a while and spring it on him crossing your fingers that he will stay?

My personal story is that I am one that "walks to the beat of a different drummer" my best friend calls me an alien (not the illegal kind the ones from space.lol) anyways the point is I'm a little different. I swear sometimes I'm bipolar, I could possibly have multiple personalities that switch up by the second and I change my laugh more than I change my draws....but he doesn't know any of this. Is hiding my crazy really hiding who I am?
This question is the reason that I soon will be coming out of the crazy closet.lol. Because I feel like I'm hiding a part of my true self to him and he can never like me for me when he doesn't even know and accept the other side(s) of me. I guess I've toned it down and tried to be as normal as possible. I've found though that that normal ish is boring! I can't do it. Even if it scares him away I think its better that I start to release the quirky alien that I am :)
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F*!@ MY LIFE(.com)

Okay when I find websites I like, I'm the first one to shout them out so here are a few of the fml's of my new favorite past time website:

***Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML


***Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML


***Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML


I'm sorry but stuff like this CRACKS me up.

Check them out:
www.fmylife.com
www.twitter.com/fmylife



Also if ur super bored check out:
passiveaggressivenotes.com
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Paying for Her....

This is not a blog about having a guy pay for us (although that is always a good thing). This is a blog about how sometimes Us women end up paying for all the mistakes, screw ups and just f'd up things done by his Ex girlfriend(s).
We must first go over the extremely FRAGILE state of the male ego. A lot of people believe that women are the weaker of the two sexes....WRONG! It is true we can become psycho paranoid suicidal hot messes.coms lol. And we get hurt, we get lied to, cheated on, straight up played used and abused. BUT we get over it for the most part. We carry that weight for a little while. The smart ones learn from there mistakes. Usually us women can go from a bad situation and recover when the time is right then allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to try another relationship out despite the possibility of being played again.
This is harder for men. Especially when they loved a girl that did them wrong. Once you've truly broken a mans' heart, it may take a lifetime to repair. He is now damaged goods. Sure he can enter another relationship but thanks to HER he can never give %100 to a new relationship.
This is when you are paying for her. Looking thru my old journal, I realized that I seem to always get those damaged goods. I, like some of you am a genuine, honest, trustworthy person of my word. I feel like a pretty good catch. But I feel like guys would treat me as if I couldn't be trusted and that's a total insult to me and my character.
So basically my point is for the guys reading this is to realize that we are not all alike. We're not all out to play you guys. That's all.
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Hey, we Tweet!

Hellos lovers, of Thatswhatshesaidladies. Well recently we've decided to expand our horizons a bit so you (our readers) can keep up with us. Now you can interact before we blog, give tips and suggestions. And if you're not on Twitter, you should be. Its kinda fun :)

www.twitter.com/shesaidladies

That's what she said!
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a blue line in a red sky

So my favorite movie in the whole wide world is Love Jones. If you have never seen it before u must. There is one particular poem that Nina [Nia Long ] says at the end of the movie. I thought id share it with you ...enjoy

It is the color of light,
The shape of sound high in the evergreens
It lies suspended in hills, 
A blue line in a red sky.

I am looking at sound.

I am hearing the brightness
Of high bluffs and almond trees
I am tasting the wilderness
of lakes, rivers, and streams
Caught in an angle of song.

I am remembering water
That glows in the dawn
The motion tumbled in earth
Life hidden in mounds.

I am dancing a bright beam of light

I am remembering love.

thats what she said

Brick Walls

The hardest walls to break are the ones we build ourselves. And I don't know about everyone else's wall, but mines is old and super sturdy....
So when I like someone it makes it that much harder for them to truly like me back. The worse part is I know the problem and I know the solution and yet still this wall is not chipping away like I want it to.
I guess the whole wall is up in the first place as a defense mechanism. I put this wall up, nobody gets close to me, I don't get hurt. End of story....BUT who really wins in that situation? Not I.
And so now its time I realized recently to finally get out the sturdiest of hammers and face a challenge I've never really faced before: breaking down that damned wall! That wall is my security blanket.
It is my excuse for when things don't go right....and things don't go right because of it! I guess the fear of actual rejection is what scares me the most. Without that wall, I'm exposed. If he doesn't like me what do I blame it on? But how can he really like me with the wall between us?

Its scary, but I need to do it. For my own happiness.
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Numbers Game Again

Ive really been thinking about this and I began to wonder what is an "okay" or "average" number to have. I know alot of people with lots of different experiences, some who are still virgins, but I wonder what most people who are 21-22 have as there number. (if you don't know what number I'm talking about check the previous post)

What I'm even more curious about is what that number is for guys. We all know a double standard exists and whether we want to admit it or not its "ok" for guys to have more partners than girls. 

That being said, Im asking that people anonymously post their numbers and their sex (m/f), I think this could lead to some interesting findings....DONT BE SHY PEOPLES...

thats what she said 

And This is Why We Call it Birdville

please back up off my man trey LOL, I thought the video was funny

Honesty is the Best Policy

I had a very interesting weekend. I chilled with a man friend of mine (who happens to read this blog!!) and we talked about music, sex, relationships, and our current boy/girl situations. Good times.



To be honest, we used to talk last year but we kinda fell apart because I got really stressed with juggling my internship and school work. Plus, the distance made it more difficult to keep in contact. But he is a great guy that I really did like. What I liked the most about him was his honesty. He always kept it funky from the beginning. For example, he told me that he was messing with a girl at his school when we were talking. His honesty was refreshing because I knew what to expect from him..I knew the limits...so he never disappointed me and my feelings were never hurt. I was confident in him liking me because he wouldn't lie about it. Some referred to him as an "asshole", actually he referred to himself as such, but I would rather him be that than a liar.



Now I'm involved with a guy (who doesn't read the blog) who I don't think is very honest. Actually, he is a liar. But I can't judge him because I have definitely lied to him before. But to be honest, I wish honesty was something that we had established in the beginning of our "friendship". Instead when we are together, we live in this fantasy world like its just the two of us when we know its not. I wish we were honest with each other. Now I get headaches because I have to assess everything he does to find some truth. If we had honesty, we would have limits instead of fantasies and feelings wouldn't be hurt, and there would be no disappointments.



Honestly, the truth does hurt. But, I miss that honesty. I need it. I appreciate it. Because when its the truth you want to hear...u don't doubt it for a second..and you r finally happy and secure. When he tells you he wants to be with you...he means it 110 percent.



That's what she said...

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Dude Wtf ?!?

So I had to vent this stupid ish to get it off my chest. Maybe next week this will be a funny story but right now it just makes me fume even thinking about it. And yes I'm a tad dramatic but you'd be pissed too.....and the story goes:

Last week on my way home at 1O pm, I got a seemingly urgent phone call from a male friend that I don't even speak to that often. He said that he needed me to come over to his house because he had some girl issues that he desperately needed help with that night.

Being the good friend that I am I tried my best to just get him to tell me over the phone what the issue was...but he claimed that this matter needed to be dealt with in person and that if I came he'd even give me gas money for my troubles.

Now the nosy side of me began to kick in so I said I'd come BUT only staying no more than ten minutes. I'm like maybe he got somebody pregnant, maybe he got some std or maybe even killed a hooker for all I know.lol

I get there and his sorry behind sits at the table and had the AUDACITY to ask me and I quote: " What does it mean when a girl you're with looks at another guy while with you?". At this point I'm BOILING MAD! Like who does that? How gay was that? Who cares? Why was it that serious? Why would he ever waste my time? Why the F would I care? Those were the things that came to my mind along with a few choice words for him.

So still being the friend that I am I gave him an answer to his raggedy question and I said " she probably: SLEPT WITH HIM or WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HIM . Yeah I said that. And then I took my money he owed ( raggedy 3 dollars) and left.

So why would a person be so evil and waste my time/life like that? This may be mean of me but should I stop being his friend for good???

(side note two times we've gone out (not like that) but both times I drove and both times I left him. )
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The Beauty of Pain

We've all heard the saying that Pain is Beauty. Well in a recent case of writers block....or should I say Bloggers Block, I realized why I haven't been able to crank out a blog good enough for me to actually post.... Its because I've been relatively happy lately.
It seems when I'm having guy issues, money issues, just life issues in general is when my creativity level is at A thousand...but now that I feel things are under control, I haven't gotten any bad news and I can't complain about a man right now ,I'm lacking in the inspiration department.
Think about it, why do us ladies love some Keyshia Cole and May J blige? Because they connect to us through the pain that we've all felt. This pain is our common denominator. Now we like love songs and happy songs but NOTHING beats a "my man did me wrong song" lol. And many artists reach their greatest creatice peak during times of extreme depression (ex: Picasso).

Now while I'm elated that I am happy in life right now, I am also finding it harder to write blogs.lol. I guess I can make happier posts but I don't wanna feel all preachy. So there might be a slight change in my posts for now....at least until someones pisses me off!


-thats what she said
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The Numbers Game

During an interesting car ride to New York an ummm "interesting" topic arose that was heavily debated on. That uh issue is " the number". What number you ask? THE number. The infamous list one must face at some point in life....let's just call it the Black List.

So I realized my number is not as low as I thought....but NO its not out of control high either....and my friends are the same way (yeah I had to add them). So we made up a few rules and philosophies about why our number game is what it is.

1. If you compare the amount that we slept with to the amount we couldve slept with but didn't. Then the number is significantly lower....comparatively speaking. For example, if about 250 guys wanted to and tried to sleep with you but you've only slept with 13 (not my number) then you've done pretty good....relatively speaking of course
2. We are pretty girls, bottom line: we have more options. So basically we've used our resources.lol.
3. We are not "girlfriends". We haven't really done the relationship thing. So in place of having one consistent person, we've I guess been testing the waters.lol.
4. If you divide the ratio of the men we've been with over the years since we've started having sex, then on an average there were no more than 3 and year.lol
5. We've got some "technicals" that we won't count, for example one of my friends said if it was under 2 mins it didn't count...I have a few others...but truthfully some just don't count.

The only solutions that we have in order to keep our numbers from rising is: 1. Recycle our old boos...or 2. Either marry an old boo or add one number and marry that one.

What's a girl to do? So there will be no new ones for me for a loooonnng time. Lol. But you know the saying: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!!!!!! Well we've had our fun, guess its time to slow it down now.

Don't Want No Robocop

When Opposites Attract

Walk around the mall or take a look at the couples at the movies and what do you notice, it is few and far between to find a good looking guy and a good looking woman in a relationship together. 

Here's my theory as to why. 

Attractive men are used to being picked up by girls. As early as middle school they were the cute boy that all the girls liked and flocked to. The girls they ended up with were the girls who pursued them the most and made them feel the best about themselves. This middle school early high school stage is when this young man would have otherwise been developing his "game". However, this never became nessacary for him because the girls did all the work for him all he had to do was sit back and be cute. 

On the other side of the hallways the same thing was happening to the pretty little girls in the class. All the boys were chasing them around gassing their heads about how pretty they are. These "pretty" girls never had to develop the wit and skills nessacary to find a guy and keep his interest. 

So at the end of the day, the attractive guys are used to the relationship being all about them and have no game to pick up women while the pretty girls want it to be all about them and have no desire to go after guys

OF COURSE there are exceptions to these findings and those exceptions usually come in the form of late bloomers. If you didn't become "cute" until senior year of highschool or after you are in luck, you still have the game you learned in your not so cute days and now you have the looks to go along with it.

Just something that I've been noticing

thats what she said

I know I'm hatin in the picture but I just can't help it

Just be thoughtful.

Last week, I spoke to a friend who gave me some great advice. First, he told me that I need to learn how to cook because the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Please believe I was on www.amazon.com trying to find the best cookbook to purchase. I figured I also needed to learn how to cook Jamaican food even though I don't care for it. Too many boys out there are saying that they like oxtail ;) 

But wait...I don't want a man. At least, I don't think so. Yet, I was very eager to go online and purchase a cookbook so I can learn how to cook for "my man".. Interesting? Who the hell am I cooking for in the first place?  I told him "i can't cook..why can't we just order take-out?".  He said it isn't about the actual food. He said it is about the "thought". The idea that a girl put in all that work into trying to make him smile. I guess this girl's "thoughtfulness" influenced him so much that he forgot that he hated feet and gave her a foot massage without her asking him to. 

The point of the story is this...be thoughtful (also learn how to cook). Try to make someone you like smile. Do something for them that you wouldn't do for anyone else. You don't have to spend money on them  but do something that shows them that you think and care about them. Most importantly, if he cares for you just as much as you care for him, then your hard work will be reciprocated. If he doesn't feel the same desire to make you smile, then leave him alone. 

At the end of the day, I don't think I am looking for a man. Instead, I just want someone who will make me smile. Someone who is genuinely thoughtful. It makes him happy to know that I am happy.

Most importantly, I want someone that I can make smile.  

...thats what she said. 

To forgive or not forgive...

Forgiveness is a topic that has been coming up pretty frequently lately. For some reason I find myself asking for forgiveness as well as being asked for it. It's strange how I can want someone to forgive me but be reluctant to forgive others.

The other day I was asked to forgive someone for literally years of pain and hurt. As much as I wanted to forgive them I found myself not being able to do wholeheartedly. How in the hell can anyone expect to just be forgiven within one phone conversation?! It actually upset me a little that I was even being asked to let everything go right then and there - I sort of took offense to it. After all this time, I had dealt with things in my own way and was dealing with the situation just fine. Now because the person wants to apologize I should just say all is forgiven? I'm not really down with that.

I'm struggling with the fact that life is short and that I cannot fully move on without forgiven this person. But when you feel hurt to your core it's kind of hard to just let it go that easily. I honestly would love to forgive this person. I have asked for the same many MANY times in my life and am very grateful that I was granted forgiveness. I know how much I wanted to be forgiven and able to re-establish a relationship. Unfortunately I don't think I'm ready to fully forgive, I try to act like the situation doesn't affect me but I never stopped hurting. I just hope one day I'll find it in my heart to let it all go...


That's what she said

No Words Needed

photos courtesy of theybf.com

True Life: She's Just Not That Into You

So last week I met this guy. Immediately I was attracted to him, he was REALLY cute, lets call him X. We ended up exchanging numbers and talking for a few days. By like the third day he asked if he and his friend could stop by to say hello, so I said sure.

As soon as he walked through the door something was off to me. I'm very particular about what I like and I know it when I see it. So its not that he wasn't cute anymore I just knew at that time he WAS NOT my type. 

Anyways, I say hello and head for the couch to sit down. He sits next to me and after about 35 seconds I text my friend who is also sitting in the room. The text message reads: "I don't like him anymore". However, I accidentally sent the message to X. As soon as I realized the mistake I made my mouth dropped and I immediately reached across and tried to grab his phone and plead with him to let me erase the message I accidentally sent him. He said no, so me being the punk I am, ran upstairs and hid my embarrassed face in a pillow lol.

About 30 seconds later he comes upstairs and gives me my phone while saying "I'm going to give you a few minutes to get your lies together"

In the meantime my friends are clueless as to what just happened and as I text them the situation (from upstairs) I can hear them hold back their laughter. 

So I stayed upstairs for another 5 minutes hoping he would leave and I wouldn't have to face the situation...I was wrong

He came back upstairs a few minutes and says "you're lucky I'm not insecure or else I would have thought you were talking about me".

I guess that was a good way for him to play it off, I guess, and I guess that the akward lies I said to go along with what he already assumed in his mind we're convincing, I guess, and I guess the forced conversation that we had for the next 20 minutes until he finally left could leave him convinced that I wasn't talking about him, I guess, but I'm also guessing that when he sees this post he'll know what's up

P.s.

double check those texts ladies

thats what she said 

Am I superficial? part 3...

So my other fellow that's what whe said lady feel the same way as I do about the "shorties" sorry but I gots no love for the short guys....I don't think its superfical...I just think its preference.

Now I have a "is this superficial" question:
Is it superficial that I only have/want pretty friends????

I mean I love my friends...and I lobe that they are each uniquely pretty. Also when we go out its a statement...sort of a movement actually. We usually manage to walk in clubs, no lines. We get V.I.P like we paid for it and we just have soooo much fun.

Now I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I feel like the reason we can all go out and vacation together and such with no issues is because we are all secure within ourselves.

Like I'm sure if there was an ugly girl in our group she'd be insecure and jealous...and would mess up the group dynamics. But on the other hand I know people who seek out less attractive people so that they can get all the SHINE. I don't think that's right. My whole group shines and so there's no issues.

Now am I superficial for that?

Sometimes you just be feeling like.....

Now ya know mostly well actually all the girls on this blog are Girly...BUT ya know sometimes you just be having one of them days. And today was one of them. I had a straight up F*@#D up day!!!!! You know one of them days you just cant win. So im just rolling with the punches. In order to completely salvage my sanity as funny as it seems I been listening to some straight hood music. It actually got alot of anger and agression off of my chest. Also it got me thinking: What the Hell happen to DMX??? i used to love him. Now that im getting old I really appreciate music, lyrics and true talent....and he was just raw and real, i love it. Anyways here's a throwback: one of my faves, I was definetly feeling like this today:

In Response to "Am I Superficial" Post

Bobby Valentino and Cavier from for the love of Ray J

no words needed 

the previous post

thats what she said 

It's Not Me, It's You

People really kill me. If every month you have a new group of friends and then they "mysteriously" turn their backs on you at no fault of your own you may need to take a look at yourself. 

We like to call these females the "floaters". They do not have a real set of friends or even a friend at all that lasts more than a short span of time. Usually these "friendships" are built on simply partying together or sharing gossip, and usually they break up when the "floater" divulges information about her new group of friends to other people she is eyeing to be friends with. 

The most predictable part is that the friendship ALWAYS breaks up at the fault of the floater, and the floater then plays the victim card and claims that they do not understand why the others stop talking to them.

If you have been a part of this cycle I think you need to take a look at yourself. Whether it is insecurity or insincerity, you are ruining or chances at having meaningful relationships every time you do not honestly asses where you at fault. Its from reflection on the mistakes we make that we are able to grow and learn from those mistakes. Floaters, if you don't want to be a floater anymore take a REAL look at yourself the mistakes you've made and learn from it.

thats certainly what she said 

Exit Mr. Big

If you've been following this blog since day one then you have seen my first post about my (ex) Mr.Big. And especially if you are a personal friend of mines then you already know how I feel about the Mr.Bigs in our lives. In case you all don't know here's a brief description:

Mr.Big: A man who has been in your life that: 1. Is inconsistant;2.highly personable;3. Usually unliked by your friends;4. Extrememly unavailable at times;5. But oh so charming ;6.hard to Get over. All my Sex and the City lovers knows that Chris Noth (Mr. Big) really captured the real life depiction of a Mr. Big relationship.

So for the past 3 years, off and on (mainly off) I've been I guess waiting on Mr. Big to get it together and FINALLY realize that I am Miss RIGHT (riiight.lol). And never the dissapointer, he never did.I am officially not waiting for Big. I know in the movie Carrie and Big were off and on TEN years before they finally wed. Me, I don't want to waste any more time or energy on him.

Now all my ladies with the "Bigs" know that we've been here before. I've "stopped" dealing with him a million times....and this time A million and one is the FINAL time. I'm through and over it.

This time is different because two things: 1. I'm getting older now, I'm not about the cat and chase anymore and I'm done with wasting time and potentially overlooking deserving guys and 2. I've met someone that I like and that likes me back. Its that simple and it is one of the best feeling I've had in a while. When you subtract all the games its soooo much better.

This Big chapter is closed for now, and although it is over, I still have a million (and one) memories that I will always keep, savor and learn from. I guess this experience helped me appreciate the new boo for all that he is....and isn't.

I am BEAUTIFUL too.

This morning a male friend and I had a discussion which left me disheartened, upset, and hurt. Every Sunday he has a gathering at his house: drinking, movies, games, you know, the basics. Now this past weekend he and a young lady who came by began talking and she shared with him that she enjoyed his video blog because it shows his appreciation for dark skinned women. She then goes on to say that she has always felt ugly and till this day hates her complection and this hatred coupled with issues that were burdening her caused her to attempt suicide a little over a month ago. She has tried bleaching her skin with creams, pouring bleach on herself and consulting physicians on possible ways to lighten her skin, if only just one shade. Now i know that her situation may appear extreme, but her hatred and resentment for herself are sentiments shared by many dark skinned women nation wide.

I could easily sit here and tell you that I have always loved the skin that I am in, but it would be a lie. As one of five Black girls at my Catholic School, let alone the only dark skinned one, Midnight, Darkness, and NightSkin, became my first name and everytime I heard it I yearned to be beautiful, yearned to be accepted, but most importantly, yearned to be light skin. I think that I finally came out of this mind set around the 7th grade when I realized that I couldn't change my color but i was still cute and if I loved the skin that I was in others would learn to love it as well.

For a lack of a better word, it sucks! It sucks that women should feel inadequate and ugly solely because of being dark, it sucks that society(BLACK SOCIETY) further perpetuates this false ideology, and it blows that unfortunately I do not see these beliefs changing any time soon. It hurts me to know that till this day women are fighting and hating themselves because of a little extra melanin. As Black women we have to realize that guess what, we're beautiful, and it is our variation in hues that make our people so unique. So F the haters, damn the men that tell you that your sexy for a dark skin girl, and to hell with anyone who thinks your not hot!

Get up, stand in front of the mirror, and kiss your reflection because no one will love you until you learn to love yourself. Dark skin an all.

thats what she said.

Guys just dont understand

I heard somewhere and please don't quote me, that in tough economical times such as the recession we are currently in, that the price of lipstick and other beauty products actually go on a rise. Why you may ask? Because its is a pick me up.

Now if u tell a guy your interested in the slightest amount of beauty product, they assume that you have some self esteem issues and are uncomfortable with going au naturale. I can only speak for myself but I hate the dreaded make up/beauty/ weave convo that comes up occasionally with members of the opposite sex.

First off there's no winning. I just don't get why we can't just like to accentuate what God and our parents have given us? Why can't we express our mood/style/creativity on our face. Its like we are our own pieces of art. Why when we add on do we have to be looked at as insecure? I mean it is true some people apply makeup heavily and depend on it actually but for myself and most girly girls I know: we just like to have fun. And it is reflected in the way we look.

I'll tell you now I would choose a date with Sephora before A LOT of guys I know.lol. But seriously I feel just about everything in moderation is a good thing. And we are in a recession, and that perfect mascara is just the pick-me-up I need. Somehow I feel guys will still never understand this.

CheerLeader Friend

I dont know if this is bad or not but im extrememly over protective of my friends!!! If you hurt their feelings to the point that im affected by it, I feel the need to give my two cents and but in .......I also have the tendency to grow fond of my friends' significant other if I think they are good for eachother! I become the other person's cheerleader and make sure that my friend knows when he or she does something out of pocket!! But sometimes I may take the cheerleading and advocating a bit to far.....

So my Friend we will call her Jane has an on again off again relationship with Joe. Joe did something out of pocket but nothing drastic, just a little inconsiderate and annoying. So Jane erases his number (she doesnt know it by heart because its a new number).....so I decided that I will text it to her, email her with the number as the subject, and put it on sticky notes around her bed, I even took a picture of the number and sent its a picture mail text!!!! Extreme but really funny at the time

I love when my friends are happy even if im not because happiness is contagious, so if you make my friend happy you are ok in my book, but please dont cross me because my cheerleading (back flips and high kicks) will turn into scorn and boo'ing.

Thats what she said......

Old Faithful.

So I want you guys' opinion on this topic because ya know when it comes to guys/relationships I'm no expert.

So the current "love" interest has a little nickname for me that I don't know how comfortable I'm with. He calls me "old faithful" because he knows if he ever really needed anything, I'm gonna be there. He says its a good thing because I guess it shows I'm reliable and down.

My thing is "old faithful" to me reminds me of that old beat up car that's not really what you want but gets you from A to B. I feel like its that something you may keep around until you upgrade. But I am a woman and we overanalyze and think the worse.

So am I being sensitive? Or does he just need a different expression of appreciation?

Untitled.

Some days you wake up with this feeling of meaning to life. You get up with ease and the world seems to be on your side. Today was my day. I did things I've been meaning to do for a while, I had more motivation than usual and Overall I was just happy...for no reason.
And wouldn't you know that later on in the day I discovered that my Grandfather, whom I love dearly was diagnosed with CANCER. As weird as it seems I wasn't as sad/mad/emotional as I thought I would be ( I knew it was a possibility).
Now why, I thought on a day going so well would I get this horrid news? Because my outlook today was so positive,I was filled with THAT much more faith than I would have had on a regular day. After all cancer does not equal death anymore, he has no expiration date.

But nevertheless, apart of me is still thinking about the other outcome of which I will not speak into the universe. The only thing I know is that everyday I am going to celebrate, appreciate and be thankful for every second that he's here.

Today was a good day though. Ps. Keep him in your prayers guys.

Second Chances

For a long time I was not a believer in second chances. I was the type to erase your number, block you on facebook and aim if you crossed me in the slightest way. However, this pattern left me burning a lot bridges and missing a lot of people.

 At the end of the day everyone makes mistakes so although it may seem like I'm getting soft I think I'm just realizing that people can't ask for forgiveness if you block them from any point of access to you, and in blocking them you may be missing out on a good person who made one mistake. I don't think I'm getting soft, I think I'm just growing up

The more I think about it the more I realize the amount of chances that others have given me for the often egregious mistakes I've made. I'm a strong believer in karma so if I don't offer forgiveness then I might not be forgiven for the future mistakes I'm certain to make. 

Moral of the story, he's getting a second chance and I don't care what anyone thinks about it ;) I'll let you all know if the second chance was worth it

that's what she said 

I Co-Sign

If you haven't gotten up on the mixtapes you definitely are missing out 

Unofficial Girl

un.of.fi.cial girl 

n. a woman who is in a relationship where although they often act like they are a couple there is no true commitment to each other 

Many of us have been in this situation and the more I see it the more I think it is doomed for failure.  At first it always seems like a perfect set-up, you both enjoy the benefits of a relationship (intimacy, dates, time spent together, someone to talk to and look forward to hearing from), but it is those same things that cause flaws in the relationship--acting like you're with someone makes you care about them. 

The longer this goes on the more likely you are to catch serious feelings for the person. However, its usually at this point where the down sides of being an "unofficial girl" come into play--there's no commitment. So now you have feelings for this person but they can talk to whoever they want

The combination of these forces creates a situation destined for failure and at the end of the day although it was a fun ride what do you really end up with? 

Although I certainly think there are cases where this relationship can end with the two being friends and without hard feelings I think the longer it goes on the more likely the two are to catch feelings and end up hurting one another

All I'm saying is that although it seems like its all in good fun take a second thought before falling into being his unofficial girl 

thats what she said 

by the way, I love this video, regardless to the fact that she can't sing

Sweetest Nothing

Sometimes we meet a guy
and we hope,wish,pray
That he will be Everything...
The ending promised to us
As little girls
When we learned that every story ends
With a Happily Ever After...
I was not a fairy tale girl
And yet still I CRAVE
Something deep...something sweet
But if this special something
Isn't something at all...
I'll know that this was
The SWEETEST little NOTHING


Just how I'm feelin

$1500 a week though

while walking out of the car a man in a Dodge Charger rolls down his window and hands my friend a flyer. She doesn't look at the flyer until she enters the restaurant guessing it is for a party, when she does open the flyer it reads:

"NOW HIRING, MODELS, STRIPPERS, ESCORTS, and PORNSTARS, $1500/wk" with a picture of a video looking chic right in the middle 

all we could do was bust out laughing while trying to make sure the "pimp" in the car didn't see us. 

as we told the story to another friend she laughed and then with a serious face asked "$1,500 a week though" LOL get your money girl LMAO

thats what she said

I need help! I like this guy and I have no idea what to do with that, lol.
He makes me laugh, we have fun together, and things seem so simple and peaceful.
But I'm having some issues 1) I don't know what I want and 2) there's another dude!
What's a girl to do?!? lol.

So I know most people would tell me to figure out what I want first and then plan from there - well how in the hell do i do that? I want a lot, damnit I want my cake and I wanna eat it too! But obviously I can't do that.

Right now the only things I know I want are: to be happy, to have fun, to enjoy my time, and to continue trying to reach my personal goals. Where do either one of these dudes stand in that, I have no clue!

Help . . .
That's What She Said

liar liar pants on fire ....lol

Im sure this topic has been discussed b4 but i cannot resist.

I CANT STAND LIARS. OMG......i dont get it ...it aggravates me. Not to say I have never a told a lie b4 because honestly sometimes its necessary. However, there are just some lies that people can keep. I think what gets me the most is when people lie about things as if i have no way of finding out the truth. Do u take me for a fool.........i guess so. I cant help but laugh because they went thru all the trouble of lying about something that i could careless about. I find it hilarious that u think i care that much ...lmao. Fellas ......ur not smarter than us [granted there are some DUMB broads out there]. If u think u getting away wit ur lies its cus we let u or we just dont give a damn. MAN UP!!!!!! please ....there is nothing more sorry and pathetic than a dude who lies. If u gone be a pimp own that ish. If u broke just take the L and say so. There is nthn worse than a broke dude tryna fake lik he got it. If u dont want a commitment say so. If u aint really feeling her keep it real. But seriously keep it 100 a woman will respect u so much more trust me.


Im confident that's what she said

Yours Truly

In case you haven't noticed many of the recent posts are lacking the signatures you've come to love. 

In an effort to protect the innocent, or often the guilty, we have decided to remove signatures from many of the posts.

Yours Truly,

thats what she said ladies 

Am I Superficial

Recently I was talking to some friends about a two different guys that I used to talk to in the past. Both were cute, funny, and genuinely interested in me. When my girls asked why didn't it go further with either one of them I responded, "I could never take him seriously, he's short". They looked at me with disgust and proceeded to tell me how I was superficial.

To me that statement didn't feel superficial at all. I don't have very many "musts" in the looks department for guys except the fact that they have to be tall. I mean thats not to say some shorty couldn't come sweep me off my feet, but in terms of what I'm looking for I want someone tall. 

So the question remains, is having standards in the looks department of the opposite sex superficial or is it just going after what you like? What are some standards that you won't budge on?

thats what she said

All this Relationship Advice!

So as I write this I am watching Tyra show (guilty pleasure) and she has Steve Harvey, this chick and these other two chicks (wow I'm really paying attention) who all have books out on Relationships.

I don't know about you all but I will NEVER spend 1 penny on a book like that...I admit it is a little intriguing to see all these theories and guidelines...but that is my BIGGEST issue.At this age I am beginning to realize that all the "rules" and "regulations" we once followed are becoming silly.

I feel like in general we do need a few of the basics which are the following: STANDARDS is the main one, I feel like if u don't set them high you'll settle for anything. COMMON SENSE is the second, its important to not let your brain get soooo focused on craving a relationship that you start doing some uncompromising things. Bottomline NEVER compromise your integrity. Also PATIENCE is a virtue! I personally feel like you shouldn't go looking for a relationship, because generally if you are focused on something it will appear...the only problemis you might find a man but most likely he'll be the WRONG one. Instead you just enjoy life and I bet when you least expect it, you'll find someone special. And because men are visual creatures appearance is important.Ladies try to look good: for YOU first and he'll def appreciate the beauty.

So I realized that what this entry first critisized is what I wrote: Relationship Advice!!!! Sue me I'm a hypocrite SO WHAT!lol at least my advice is simple, and free. But I have one last piece before I let you go and that one thing is LOVE YOURSELF!!!!! And I think you'll be OKAY :)


The One and Only
-Queen Bee

simple complication

so me and one of homies were having a deep conversation about relationships the other day and it really put life in perspective.........

our final conclusion: relationships will suck the life from your entire existence.

relationships can lead a confident and secure young lady to transform into a psyhco-paranoid-stalker-depressed-emotional-hotmess.com. im so confused @ why people do this to themselves particularly when they are young what is the point. just thinking about it is depressing.

so then u decide u wanna b released from the shackles and put ur single lady swag on just to find ur self to still be a psycho-paranoid-stalker-depressed-emotional-LONELY-hotmess.com. WTF !?!?!?!?! im convinced there is no way win. however i destined to figure this mess out. it seems so simple u meet some u like them they like u ......and the rest is history. but for some reason its never that easy. WHY??????? i hav no idea but when i find out yall will be the 1st to kno.

thats most definately what she said

Crush.

Hey guys the Queen Bee is finally recovering (barely) from our Fabulous Vaca on South Beach and CHILD I left with more than a tan and a hangover.

I came home with a Crush. Something I havent had in years.He is my type to the T. His honesty is refreshing, his accent is charming and I just want more.I can't believe I'm typing this (especially since he knows about the blog).

Its one of those things that bring you back to those highschool days. Sharing secrets on the phone, reminiscing on the SHORT time we spent together....AND guess what? He lives far far away! Just My Luck!

Well at least its the same coast. Anyways,as of now we are working out a way to see each other and see what happens. You know us ladies like to jump to conclusions but I'm happy right now just being happy TODAY, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Honestly who knows where this goes but for the time being its So Very refreshing.


-QUEEN BEE

Tell 'Em Why You Mad Son

So we are back from MIA...all tanned and beautiful. Trust, we didn't want to leave and face reality.  But before we begin talkin about our trip, let me tell you of a situation that has already occurred. So my boo thing hits me up yesterday. Here is the convo as follows: 

Him: Yo wass good with all these n*ggas pic

Me: What are you talkin about? lol 

Him: I am not laughin, wtf. 

Me: Lol we were being stupid 

Him: Ok, I don't wanna hear that sh*t

Me: Aww baby, u know I missed you. 

Him: Whatever. Looks like u had a lil too much fun... 

[Two hours later]

Me: What are you doing up?

Him: Finding chicks in MIA

Me: Stupid. You busy? Can I call you?

Him: Call one of your Miami boos......Wit Some Ni**a in the club with his shirt up.

Me: But, I missed you baby. 

Him: Good night

hahahhaahha...He is salty.... I like when they get jealous.

Mission Accomplished. 

Thats what she said.

You Know it's a Recession When: Part 1

Im sorry, I know times are tough but some of this is just too much for me to take so I wanted to share with you all....sooo you know its a recession when.....

you have to shave your teddy bear to make a fur coat

you have money to throw on the bed (for your rent later) but none to buy a matress smh

you are 'ballin" in the club with one dollar bills 

you can only get enough weave for the bottom of your head 

you use a shopping carriage as the grill for the family BBQ

Thanks to mediatakout and youdeadazzwrong 

please please please, don't use this recession as an excuse to look a mess because you will be talked about, thats what she said

posted by: sucka for love 

We Takin Over, One City At A Time

The thats what she said ladies will be on a short hiatus as we take over the city of Miami...

I'm sure there will be stories to tell..

If you're in South Beach be on the look out for us, you won't be able to miss fly ladies like us 

Thats what she said