It was my freshman year when I met him. So you know I was dumb. I met him at a party on campus and somehow we started talking because he was from Chicago (not really, but in order to keep the animosity, I also have to change the location). He was kinda cute. Just kinda. Not my type, but then again, looking at my track record, I don’t think I have a “type”. I knew he didn’t go to my school so I asked him his name. He said his name was “Chris” (that was his real name…at least that’s what I thought) and that he graduated from the neighboring school with a degree in Chemistry. But since his swag reminded me of home (plus he said he would take me to ihop), I decided to give him my number ( Yes! I know I’m a fatty. I can’t help it). Anyway, since his man, who also did not go to my school, had tried to talk to my friend, I convinced them to take me and my friend out to eat that night at IHOP.
We smiled, laughed, flirted, and all this good stuff. I definitely thought there was potential of liking him (because he didn’t look at me crazy when I ordered the most expensive thing on the IHOP menu. FYI, the way to a girl’s heart is thru her stomach). So it comes time to pay the bill and his friend pulls out his wallet to pay for my friend’s food…or what I thought was his wallet. He opened it up and I saw the picture of my male friend in the clear pocket. My male friend had actually thrown the party on campus in his apartment that night. SO, I just thought this dude was some down low “with dust in his eye” thug. But then, he starts pulling out the cards, and I see my friend’s name on the credit cards. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he had stole my friend’s wallet out of his room during the party. So great! I mean, that wasn’t my boo so I could care less that his friend was a thief. I got a free meal and my new boo was cute and plus he wasn’t convicted of attempted murder and possession of an illegal handgun like that last one (that is a story for another day) so he got an A+ in my book. I took the wallet from his friend and gave it to my friend the next day. My friend was too drunk to realize that he even lost his wallet.
Anyway, I kept on “talking” to Chris. He visited me at school and took me out to lunch and dinner several times. One day, he gave me a pair of yellow DIOR shades that I still cannot find to this day. Anyway, one night, my girls and I was bored and Chris asked if we wanted to come to his house cuz he was having a get-together. and so we went...
So now we are in “I don’t know where we are in the hood”, Maryland! The party was cool and relaxed but by the time we got there, there was no more food left. So Chris and I left to go to the take -out to get some chicken with mambo sauce at 2am at night.
Anyway, we get back to his housing complex and we see cops outside the house. I’m thinking it was nothing but a noise complaint. Well that comforting thought did not last for long cuz he told me to keep on walking straight and don’t look at the apartment. WTF? Is this a drug bust? He didn’t confirm it and just told me to walk faster. SO of course, I call my girls cuz they were still in the house. If this is really a drug bust, then my girls are going to be in some trouble cuz of those damn RICO laws. I call them crying, get out the house!!!!!! Lol. Of course they couldn’t, cuz the police were still at the door. So now I am terrified and this dumbass is telling me to calm down. Finally, the police leave and I run back into the house to see my friends at the table. They told me the story about how the police were banging down the door and they wanted to come in but they didn’t have a warrant. Supposedly, there was also a safe with some stuff in it, so good thing they didn’t raid the apartment.
But, trust, that wasn’t the worst part of the story. SO we are around the table eating chicken ( I know a person with common sense would have asked to leave by now but I was starving and this mambo sauce was hittin the spot), and my girl ask me do I know the name of the guy I just went out with to go get chicken. I looked at her like she was stupid. But in reality, I was the stupid one. So I responded “Chris..duh! Why would u ask that?” Another girl at the table, who happened to be his sister, laughed out LOUD! So my friend said “that is not his name”. So wait, is she trying to tell me that the person that I have been going out to eat with and chillin with all this time that I don’t know his name? wtf. So she tells me that while me and “Chris” went out to go get food, they spoke to the other guests. His sister asked them who did they know here and they said “Chris” and she said there isn’t a Chris here. The found out that his name was Champlane. Listen, if my name was Champlane, I would have faked my name too. Lol. Anyway, so I go to him and asked him his name and this dude still continues to lie and say his name is “Chris”. I responded, “Well your sister says otherwise.” He then admitted that “Chris” was his nick ame and that only his family calls him Champlane. Bullshit! I thought his nickname that his friends called him was “Champ”. So of course, he got the “goodnight! Take me home” There was not enough food in the world to make up for his lies and almost getting my friends arrested for a drug bust.
