Don't Want No Robocop

When Opposites Attract

Walk around the mall or take a look at the couples at the movies and what do you notice, it is few and far between to find a good looking guy and a good looking woman in a relationship together. 

Here's my theory as to why. 

Attractive men are used to being picked up by girls. As early as middle school they were the cute boy that all the girls liked and flocked to. The girls they ended up with were the girls who pursued them the most and made them feel the best about themselves. This middle school early high school stage is when this young man would have otherwise been developing his "game". However, this never became nessacary for him because the girls did all the work for him all he had to do was sit back and be cute. 

On the other side of the hallways the same thing was happening to the pretty little girls in the class. All the boys were chasing them around gassing their heads about how pretty they are. These "pretty" girls never had to develop the wit and skills nessacary to find a guy and keep his interest. 

So at the end of the day, the attractive guys are used to the relationship being all about them and have no game to pick up women while the pretty girls want it to be all about them and have no desire to go after guys

OF COURSE there are exceptions to these findings and those exceptions usually come in the form of late bloomers. If you didn't become "cute" until senior year of highschool or after you are in luck, you still have the game you learned in your not so cute days and now you have the looks to go along with it.

Just something that I've been noticing

thats what she said

I know I'm hatin in the picture but I just can't help it

Just be thoughtful.

Last week, I spoke to a friend who gave me some great advice. First, he told me that I need to learn how to cook because the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Please believe I was on www.amazon.com trying to find the best cookbook to purchase. I figured I also needed to learn how to cook Jamaican food even though I don't care for it. Too many boys out there are saying that they like oxtail ;) 

But wait...I don't want a man. At least, I don't think so. Yet, I was very eager to go online and purchase a cookbook so I can learn how to cook for "my man".. Interesting? Who the hell am I cooking for in the first place?  I told him "i can't cook..why can't we just order take-out?".  He said it isn't about the actual food. He said it is about the "thought". The idea that a girl put in all that work into trying to make him smile. I guess this girl's "thoughtfulness" influenced him so much that he forgot that he hated feet and gave her a foot massage without her asking him to. 

The point of the story is this...be thoughtful (also learn how to cook). Try to make someone you like smile. Do something for them that you wouldn't do for anyone else. You don't have to spend money on them  but do something that shows them that you think and care about them. Most importantly, if he cares for you just as much as you care for him, then your hard work will be reciprocated. If he doesn't feel the same desire to make you smile, then leave him alone. 

At the end of the day, I don't think I am looking for a man. Instead, I just want someone who will make me smile. Someone who is genuinely thoughtful. It makes him happy to know that I am happy.

Most importantly, I want someone that I can make smile.  

...thats what she said. 

To forgive or not forgive...

Forgiveness is a topic that has been coming up pretty frequently lately. For some reason I find myself asking for forgiveness as well as being asked for it. It's strange how I can want someone to forgive me but be reluctant to forgive others.

The other day I was asked to forgive someone for literally years of pain and hurt. As much as I wanted to forgive them I found myself not being able to do wholeheartedly. How in the hell can anyone expect to just be forgiven within one phone conversation?! It actually upset me a little that I was even being asked to let everything go right then and there - I sort of took offense to it. After all this time, I had dealt with things in my own way and was dealing with the situation just fine. Now because the person wants to apologize I should just say all is forgiven? I'm not really down with that.

I'm struggling with the fact that life is short and that I cannot fully move on without forgiven this person. But when you feel hurt to your core it's kind of hard to just let it go that easily. I honestly would love to forgive this person. I have asked for the same many MANY times in my life and am very grateful that I was granted forgiveness. I know how much I wanted to be forgiven and able to re-establish a relationship. Unfortunately I don't think I'm ready to fully forgive, I try to act like the situation doesn't affect me but I never stopped hurting. I just hope one day I'll find it in my heart to let it all go...


That's what she said

No Words Needed

photos courtesy of theybf.com

True Life: She's Just Not That Into You

So last week I met this guy. Immediately I was attracted to him, he was REALLY cute, lets call him X. We ended up exchanging numbers and talking for a few days. By like the third day he asked if he and his friend could stop by to say hello, so I said sure.

As soon as he walked through the door something was off to me. I'm very particular about what I like and I know it when I see it. So its not that he wasn't cute anymore I just knew at that time he WAS NOT my type. 

Anyways, I say hello and head for the couch to sit down. He sits next to me and after about 35 seconds I text my friend who is also sitting in the room. The text message reads: "I don't like him anymore". However, I accidentally sent the message to X. As soon as I realized the mistake I made my mouth dropped and I immediately reached across and tried to grab his phone and plead with him to let me erase the message I accidentally sent him. He said no, so me being the punk I am, ran upstairs and hid my embarrassed face in a pillow lol.

About 30 seconds later he comes upstairs and gives me my phone while saying "I'm going to give you a few minutes to get your lies together"

In the meantime my friends are clueless as to what just happened and as I text them the situation (from upstairs) I can hear them hold back their laughter. 

So I stayed upstairs for another 5 minutes hoping he would leave and I wouldn't have to face the situation...I was wrong

He came back upstairs a few minutes and says "you're lucky I'm not insecure or else I would have thought you were talking about me".

I guess that was a good way for him to play it off, I guess, and I guess that the akward lies I said to go along with what he already assumed in his mind we're convincing, I guess, and I guess the forced conversation that we had for the next 20 minutes until he finally left could leave him convinced that I wasn't talking about him, I guess, but I'm also guessing that when he sees this post he'll know what's up

P.s.

double check those texts ladies

thats what she said 

Am I superficial? part 3...

So my other fellow that's what whe said lady feel the same way as I do about the "shorties" sorry but I gots no love for the short guys....I don't think its superfical...I just think its preference.

Now I have a "is this superficial" question:
Is it superficial that I only have/want pretty friends????

I mean I love my friends...and I lobe that they are each uniquely pretty. Also when we go out its a statement...sort of a movement actually. We usually manage to walk in clubs, no lines. We get V.I.P like we paid for it and we just have soooo much fun.

Now I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I feel like the reason we can all go out and vacation together and such with no issues is because we are all secure within ourselves.

Like I'm sure if there was an ugly girl in our group she'd be insecure and jealous...and would mess up the group dynamics. But on the other hand I know people who seek out less attractive people so that they can get all the SHINE. I don't think that's right. My whole group shines and so there's no issues.

Now am I superficial for that?

Sometimes you just be feeling like.....

Now ya know mostly well actually all the girls on this blog are Girly...BUT ya know sometimes you just be having one of them days. And today was one of them. I had a straight up F*@#D up day!!!!! You know one of them days you just cant win. So im just rolling with the punches. In order to completely salvage my sanity as funny as it seems I been listening to some straight hood music. It actually got alot of anger and agression off of my chest. Also it got me thinking: What the Hell happen to DMX??? i used to love him. Now that im getting old I really appreciate music, lyrics and true talent....and he was just raw and real, i love it. Anyways here's a throwback: one of my faves, I was definetly feeling like this today:

In Response to "Am I Superficial" Post

Bobby Valentino and Cavier from for the love of Ray J

no words needed 

the previous post

thats what she said 

It's Not Me, It's You

People really kill me. If every month you have a new group of friends and then they "mysteriously" turn their backs on you at no fault of your own you may need to take a look at yourself. 

We like to call these females the "floaters". They do not have a real set of friends or even a friend at all that lasts more than a short span of time. Usually these "friendships" are built on simply partying together or sharing gossip, and usually they break up when the "floater" divulges information about her new group of friends to other people she is eyeing to be friends with. 

The most predictable part is that the friendship ALWAYS breaks up at the fault of the floater, and the floater then plays the victim card and claims that they do not understand why the others stop talking to them.

If you have been a part of this cycle I think you need to take a look at yourself. Whether it is insecurity or insincerity, you are ruining or chances at having meaningful relationships every time you do not honestly asses where you at fault. Its from reflection on the mistakes we make that we are able to grow and learn from those mistakes. Floaters, if you don't want to be a floater anymore take a REAL look at yourself the mistakes you've made and learn from it.

thats certainly what she said 

Exit Mr. Big

If you've been following this blog since day one then you have seen my first post about my (ex) Mr.Big. And especially if you are a personal friend of mines then you already know how I feel about the Mr.Bigs in our lives. In case you all don't know here's a brief description:

Mr.Big: A man who has been in your life that: 1. Is inconsistant;2.highly personable;3. Usually unliked by your friends;4. Extrememly unavailable at times;5. But oh so charming ;6.hard to Get over. All my Sex and the City lovers knows that Chris Noth (Mr. Big) really captured the real life depiction of a Mr. Big relationship.

So for the past 3 years, off and on (mainly off) I've been I guess waiting on Mr. Big to get it together and FINALLY realize that I am Miss RIGHT (riiight.lol). And never the dissapointer, he never did.I am officially not waiting for Big. I know in the movie Carrie and Big were off and on TEN years before they finally wed. Me, I don't want to waste any more time or energy on him.

Now all my ladies with the "Bigs" know that we've been here before. I've "stopped" dealing with him a million times....and this time A million and one is the FINAL time. I'm through and over it.

This time is different because two things: 1. I'm getting older now, I'm not about the cat and chase anymore and I'm done with wasting time and potentially overlooking deserving guys and 2. I've met someone that I like and that likes me back. Its that simple and it is one of the best feeling I've had in a while. When you subtract all the games its soooo much better.

This Big chapter is closed for now, and although it is over, I still have a million (and one) memories that I will always keep, savor and learn from. I guess this experience helped me appreciate the new boo for all that he is....and isn't.

I am BEAUTIFUL too.

This morning a male friend and I had a discussion which left me disheartened, upset, and hurt. Every Sunday he has a gathering at his house: drinking, movies, games, you know, the basics. Now this past weekend he and a young lady who came by began talking and she shared with him that she enjoyed his video blog because it shows his appreciation for dark skinned women. She then goes on to say that she has always felt ugly and till this day hates her complection and this hatred coupled with issues that were burdening her caused her to attempt suicide a little over a month ago. She has tried bleaching her skin with creams, pouring bleach on herself and consulting physicians on possible ways to lighten her skin, if only just one shade. Now i know that her situation may appear extreme, but her hatred and resentment for herself are sentiments shared by many dark skinned women nation wide.

I could easily sit here and tell you that I have always loved the skin that I am in, but it would be a lie. As one of five Black girls at my Catholic School, let alone the only dark skinned one, Midnight, Darkness, and NightSkin, became my first name and everytime I heard it I yearned to be beautiful, yearned to be accepted, but most importantly, yearned to be light skin. I think that I finally came out of this mind set around the 7th grade when I realized that I couldn't change my color but i was still cute and if I loved the skin that I was in others would learn to love it as well.

For a lack of a better word, it sucks! It sucks that women should feel inadequate and ugly solely because of being dark, it sucks that society(BLACK SOCIETY) further perpetuates this false ideology, and it blows that unfortunately I do not see these beliefs changing any time soon. It hurts me to know that till this day women are fighting and hating themselves because of a little extra melanin. As Black women we have to realize that guess what, we're beautiful, and it is our variation in hues that make our people so unique. So F the haters, damn the men that tell you that your sexy for a dark skin girl, and to hell with anyone who thinks your not hot!

Get up, stand in front of the mirror, and kiss your reflection because no one will love you until you learn to love yourself. Dark skin an all.

thats what she said.

Guys just dont understand

I heard somewhere and please don't quote me, that in tough economical times such as the recession we are currently in, that the price of lipstick and other beauty products actually go on a rise. Why you may ask? Because its is a pick me up.

Now if u tell a guy your interested in the slightest amount of beauty product, they assume that you have some self esteem issues and are uncomfortable with going au naturale. I can only speak for myself but I hate the dreaded make up/beauty/ weave convo that comes up occasionally with members of the opposite sex.

First off there's no winning. I just don't get why we can't just like to accentuate what God and our parents have given us? Why can't we express our mood/style/creativity on our face. Its like we are our own pieces of art. Why when we add on do we have to be looked at as insecure? I mean it is true some people apply makeup heavily and depend on it actually but for myself and most girly girls I know: we just like to have fun. And it is reflected in the way we look.

I'll tell you now I would choose a date with Sephora before A LOT of guys I know.lol. But seriously I feel just about everything in moderation is a good thing. And we are in a recession, and that perfect mascara is just the pick-me-up I need. Somehow I feel guys will still never understand this.

CheerLeader Friend

I dont know if this is bad or not but im extrememly over protective of my friends!!! If you hurt their feelings to the point that im affected by it, I feel the need to give my two cents and but in .......I also have the tendency to grow fond of my friends' significant other if I think they are good for eachother! I become the other person's cheerleader and make sure that my friend knows when he or she does something out of pocket!! But sometimes I may take the cheerleading and advocating a bit to far.....

So my Friend we will call her Jane has an on again off again relationship with Joe. Joe did something out of pocket but nothing drastic, just a little inconsiderate and annoying. So Jane erases his number (she doesnt know it by heart because its a new number).....so I decided that I will text it to her, email her with the number as the subject, and put it on sticky notes around her bed, I even took a picture of the number and sent its a picture mail text!!!! Extreme but really funny at the time

I love when my friends are happy even if im not because happiness is contagious, so if you make my friend happy you are ok in my book, but please dont cross me because my cheerleading (back flips and high kicks) will turn into scorn and boo'ing.

Thats what she said......

Old Faithful.

So I want you guys' opinion on this topic because ya know when it comes to guys/relationships I'm no expert.

So the current "love" interest has a little nickname for me that I don't know how comfortable I'm with. He calls me "old faithful" because he knows if he ever really needed anything, I'm gonna be there. He says its a good thing because I guess it shows I'm reliable and down.

My thing is "old faithful" to me reminds me of that old beat up car that's not really what you want but gets you from A to B. I feel like its that something you may keep around until you upgrade. But I am a woman and we overanalyze and think the worse.

So am I being sensitive? Or does he just need a different expression of appreciation?