The Three Months Rule and such.

The thing I am learning about love and relationships that really confuses me is that there are no real set rules. What works for one may not work for another. However it seems logical for some type of timelines in a relationship. I remember watching "Girlfriends" and always questioning Joans "3 month rule", which was she would wait 3 months before she would sleep with a guy.
In these times, 3 months seem a little long, but at times I wonder if we are just becoming too fast. Should we try and set personal timelines or should we just "go with the flow?". Older women always say "don't give away the milk or he won't buy the cow." But with friends and benefits situations that are turning into real relationships, what are we to believe?
I've heard of people marrying after two months, hell, there are reality shows with people looking for husbands and wives based on NO prior informations on the other. I thought relationships have to have a fountion to last. Maybe that's why the divorce rates are so high....no house will last without a solid foundation. I admit its been tepting to rush into relationships but I personally am choosing to take my time and truly learn the other person.
But back to the topic, how likely is it that a fast paced relationship will last? So my thoughts to leave you all with is just try and take your time with people. Remember, the first few months are the "honeymoon" phase I like to call it, which is when they can do no wrong and your just infatuated. If it is meant to be now, it will be later also.
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How can I be polite...Your boyfriend's a Douchebag!

I am always the first person (usually at a dinner table) confessing that I don't have the best manners. Honestly its something that I'm working on. I believe manners are very important still although this generation doesn't seem to feel the same way.
I think that honesty (in a nice way) is a form of good manners. Especially when dealing with friends. A good friend will tell you if you have lipstick on your teeth, a good friend will tell you when you have hair sticking up like Alphalpha, a good friend will tell you if that dress is not "for you"....but is it a good friends' job to tell you if they don't like your boyfriend and why?

On one hand you just want to look out for your friend. You don't want to see them hurt and usually you just want to send them words of cautions. BUT we all know love makes people do crazy things and so this may cause the friend to take it too personal as if she's being attacked. Sometimes she will instead of investigating HIS motive and actions to see if you are right, she will start to mistrust YOU and feel that you are trying to run her relationship.
With that said do you risk a friendship and tell her the truth, or do you keep your mouth shut and watch her make mistake after mistake with this guy? Let's be honest YOU are going to be the one hearing about all this drama (which couldve been prevented). Also let's be honest again, even if you tell her you don't like him, chances are she will still be with him....seems like a lose/lose. I've definelty lost friends because of their boyfriend...but I guess at the end of the day, a REAL friend will respect your honesty and choose whatever she feels right. Why can't all my friends have amazing boyfriends?!? Lol
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I like this guy and he says he likes me too! He's really nice, a sweetheart; I light up when I'm around him, talking to him, or even thinking about him. He makes me happy and he says i make him happy too! Everything seems to be going along very well... And guess what?!? I have no complaints! LOL!

With us things are very simple and uncomplicated. I love spending time with him - truth be told, he can always make me smile. Now whats the point of all of this, only to say: DON'T SETTLE! If you are looking for something in particular dont settle for less than that. I was craving real, honest happiness and I finally found it. Now that doesnt mean this current relationship is the end all be all but like the song says "... if not, you are the prototype". Now that I have happiness, I can't accept anything else.

Now I'm not advocating that you leave current/future relationships for any small thing, but if it's impotant to you than you should make sure you have it. As for me, I can't wait for this relationship to develop further, I'm so excited to see where it goes.

Singing Ashanti "I'm so happy" lol
That's what she said...

Almost Lover....

Lyric Excerpt from "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy.

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
to walk right in and out of my life?

I don't know why but this song was on my mind today. I've loved this song since the first time I heard it and for my life I find this song to be so true.

Which got me wondering which one is more painful: ending a relationship with an ACTUAL lover, or: ending things with an ALMOST lover.

Well since I only have expertise on ALMOST lovers I believe I'm biased to choose the latter. Real break ups, I imagine are hard. But I feel like the love that once was shared kind of numbs some of the pain because there was a point in time when love was present between the two parties.

Now ALMOST lovers are different. These things are messy and usually never a 50/50 love (that Teddy Pendergrass sings of) . Usually one party (the female) is under the impression that things are more than what it actually is. She has developed true feelings for him. She has invested her time and care....and sometimes love to the (pseudo)relationship. All the while the "relationship" is always on eggshells because at any given moment he can up and leave, he can date whoever, he can do his own thing and guess what? You can't do ANYTHING about it because you are not his girlfriend.
So when things don't work out, the pain is immense and typically there will always be unanswered questions.

But I digress, anyways the point is Almost Love is a tricky thing. I try now to stay away from it. But, if he like it then he shoulda put a ring (okay at least a TITLE) on it!
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Hopeless No(man)tic

She said she was a Hopeless Romantic. Me being the cynical Miranda that I find myself being occasionally (Sex and the City), I asked what the "hell is a hopeless romantic?" And she replied: " A hopeless romantic is someone who loves love, the idea of love, the acts of love, just everything to do with love". That was the end of the conversation, and the beginning of my own deep (or shallow.whatever) thoughts.
I envied her for a second because I wished that I felt the same way. I love happiness, I love freedom, I love long walks on the beach (really) but I don't necessarily love LOVE. Indeed I am interested in the topic of love, I'm infatuated at times with the idea and I am extremely curious about every aspect of love but I am not in love with love.
So what exactly does that make me? And what exactly does that mean for my future love life? Does it mean I am not capable to love to the full capacity? Or am I just being dramatic again?!?

Well there were two main differences between my friend with whom I conversed briefly with about it: she had a boyfriend . I didn't (usually don't). And now that I think about it I am afraid to some degree of falling in love. And maybe that fear is the thing hindering me from being a hopeless romantic. Until I get over it or until someone eases that fear, I will be. Probably be a hopeless NoMantic.
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Sex and The City Daily

So you all know I loves my Sex and The City. It is one of the realest shows and it, like our blog shows the complexities of women, dating, men, life, friendship, EVERYTHING! So I figured that daily I'd put up a quote from the show as something to ponder.

Todays SATC quote:
"Are we simply romantically challenged, or are we sluts?"

What's your opinion on this one? I often feel romantically challenged and I've talked to quite a few guys in my days but ask me how many relationships I've had???? Well no don't ask me I'm embarrassed. What does that say about me? Is it me? Is it them? Am I just sugarcoating slut?lol. Well I wouldn't go that far.
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What Do You Expect !?!

     As we all know the world of dating is confusing, which brings me to todays topic: EXPECTATIONS. Especially in the beginning, is there a certain amount that one should have in order to not get heart broken???

    You meet a guy, he's cute, you like him. You've spoken on the phone, text all the time and you're feeling good about this one. Now its time to spend some one on one personal time (that q.t) what level of expectations should you have for this? I know alot of people go in with low expectations reasoning that anything better than what they expected is a success. Some people have higher expectations hoping that that person will fulfill them....often times they DONT. And of course some people try the NO expectations, expecting nothing and taking a 50/50 chance of success or failure.

   Now lets take time now to decipher which one does/doesnt make the most sense. Option one: Go on dates with low expectations. The pros of this one is anything above what you expected is considered a good thing. The problem of this one is, well lets take this to the laws of attraction, which basically is saying what you expect is what you get/attract. If you are aiming low then usually that is what you will receive. Also as far as that relationship goes, its kinda already off to the wrong start because you already had low expectations for it. Of course there will be instances in which they will greatly exceed what you thought. So bottomline, i dont think going out with low expectations is a good thing.

     Okay so on to the next: going out with high expectations. The pros of this is you are coming into the situation with a good attitude and this might set a good chain reaction of events. Now the cons of this one is depending on how high your setting your expectations. You may have in your mind based on the phone calls and texts etc that this person is perfect for you and in person you may notice that he has a few flaws you werent aware of.  Because your expectations were so high, even the little things bother you. Or you may have played out the entire date perfectly in your head and the actual night didnt go as planned leaving you with ill feelings toward that person. Anyways , in dating high expectations can be a good thing but it is important to realize that no one is perfect.

     And finally, the no expectations route. This one is hard to do because its natural to have some type of how things will end up either good or bad. With this approach your going in with no judgement and no predisposed ideas of what things will be just going and taking it moment by moment. I think this is the best way because this way there's no pressure and little disappointment. You are just taking everything for what it is whether good or bad. But it is extremely hard to do especially with someone you like because in you're head you usually have an outcome in mind. Lets try just living in the moment and taking things for what they are. Im gonna try this starting today because i've been down both the high and low expectations roads and have been disappointed many a time. Lets see how this goes........

Show Me The CRAZY!!!!!!!

The honeymoon phase: the beginning of a relationship, which usually lasts at the most, the first four months. This is the time you meet a guy and everything is all good. You are putting on your best at this point because you have one tid bit of info you forgot to tell him: YOU ARE APE S!@* CRAZY!!!!!!!!

Yes you my friend are CRAZY!!!! But don't feel bad. I've come to the conclusion that every woman on earth is CRAZY some obviously more than others, but I digress. Anyways you are crazy and its coming out bit by bit. At what point do you show him the crazy?!?
I myself am finding this process very hard. Which lead me to ask: do you show a guy your crazy in the beginning and see if he accepts you or do you wait a while and spring it on him crossing your fingers that he will stay?

My personal story is that I am one that "walks to the beat of a different drummer" my best friend calls me an alien (not the illegal kind the ones from space.lol) anyways the point is I'm a little different. I swear sometimes I'm bipolar, I could possibly have multiple personalities that switch up by the second and I change my laugh more than I change my draws....but he doesn't know any of this. Is hiding my crazy really hiding who I am?
This question is the reason that I soon will be coming out of the crazy closet.lol. Because I feel like I'm hiding a part of my true self to him and he can never like me for me when he doesn't even know and accept the other side(s) of me. I guess I've toned it down and tried to be as normal as possible. I've found though that that normal ish is boring! I can't do it. Even if it scares him away I think its better that I start to release the quirky alien that I am :)
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F*!@ MY LIFE(.com)

Okay when I find websites I like, I'm the first one to shout them out so here are a few of the fml's of my new favorite past time website:

***Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML


***Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML


***Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML


I'm sorry but stuff like this CRACKS me up.

Check them out:
www.fmylife.com
www.twitter.com/fmylife



Also if ur super bored check out:
passiveaggressivenotes.com
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Paying for Her....

This is not a blog about having a guy pay for us (although that is always a good thing). This is a blog about how sometimes Us women end up paying for all the mistakes, screw ups and just f'd up things done by his Ex girlfriend(s).
We must first go over the extremely FRAGILE state of the male ego. A lot of people believe that women are the weaker of the two sexes....WRONG! It is true we can become psycho paranoid suicidal hot messes.coms lol. And we get hurt, we get lied to, cheated on, straight up played used and abused. BUT we get over it for the most part. We carry that weight for a little while. The smart ones learn from there mistakes. Usually us women can go from a bad situation and recover when the time is right then allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to try another relationship out despite the possibility of being played again.
This is harder for men. Especially when they loved a girl that did them wrong. Once you've truly broken a mans' heart, it may take a lifetime to repair. He is now damaged goods. Sure he can enter another relationship but thanks to HER he can never give %100 to a new relationship.
This is when you are paying for her. Looking thru my old journal, I realized that I seem to always get those damaged goods. I, like some of you am a genuine, honest, trustworthy person of my word. I feel like a pretty good catch. But I feel like guys would treat me as if I couldn't be trusted and that's a total insult to me and my character.
So basically my point is for the guys reading this is to realize that we are not all alike. We're not all out to play you guys. That's all.
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Hey, we Tweet!

Hellos lovers, of Thatswhatshesaidladies. Well recently we've decided to expand our horizons a bit so you (our readers) can keep up with us. Now you can interact before we blog, give tips and suggestions. And if you're not on Twitter, you should be. Its kinda fun :)

www.twitter.com/shesaidladies

That's what she said!
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a blue line in a red sky

So my favorite movie in the whole wide world is Love Jones. If you have never seen it before u must. There is one particular poem that Nina [Nia Long ] says at the end of the movie. I thought id share it with you ...enjoy

It is the color of light,
The shape of sound high in the evergreens
It lies suspended in hills, 
A blue line in a red sky.

I am looking at sound.

I am hearing the brightness
Of high bluffs and almond trees
I am tasting the wilderness
of lakes, rivers, and streams
Caught in an angle of song.

I am remembering water
That glows in the dawn
The motion tumbled in earth
Life hidden in mounds.

I am dancing a bright beam of light

I am remembering love.

thats what she said

Brick Walls

The hardest walls to break are the ones we build ourselves. And I don't know about everyone else's wall, but mines is old and super sturdy....
So when I like someone it makes it that much harder for them to truly like me back. The worse part is I know the problem and I know the solution and yet still this wall is not chipping away like I want it to.
I guess the whole wall is up in the first place as a defense mechanism. I put this wall up, nobody gets close to me, I don't get hurt. End of story....BUT who really wins in that situation? Not I.
And so now its time I realized recently to finally get out the sturdiest of hammers and face a challenge I've never really faced before: breaking down that damned wall! That wall is my security blanket.
It is my excuse for when things don't go right....and things don't go right because of it! I guess the fear of actual rejection is what scares me the most. Without that wall, I'm exposed. If he doesn't like me what do I blame it on? But how can he really like me with the wall between us?

Its scary, but I need to do it. For my own happiness.
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Numbers Game Again

Ive really been thinking about this and I began to wonder what is an "okay" or "average" number to have. I know alot of people with lots of different experiences, some who are still virgins, but I wonder what most people who are 21-22 have as there number. (if you don't know what number I'm talking about check the previous post)

What I'm even more curious about is what that number is for guys. We all know a double standard exists and whether we want to admit it or not its "ok" for guys to have more partners than girls. 

That being said, Im asking that people anonymously post their numbers and their sex (m/f), I think this could lead to some interesting findings....DONT BE SHY PEOPLES...

thats what she said 

And This is Why We Call it Birdville

please back up off my man trey LOL, I thought the video was funny